On "Shitty First Drafts" . . . or my torturous writing process

As much as I like Lamott's idea of a "shitty first draft," and as much as I encourage students to try out her process at least one time during the semester, I'm just not a "shitty first draft" kind of writer. I think this is because I'm a thinker. I have to internalize anything before I begin writing. I might think about a writing task for days, even weeks, before I begin. In fact, I have a conference presentation coming up in April, and I've been "pondering" the paper I am going to present since September when I first found out my proposal was accepted. My colleagues who were also accepted used our very short winter break to start writing drafts of their papers for presentation. Not me. The most I've done is start jotting down a list of ideas and sources to include. This list is very characteristic of how I write. I internalize; I list. And after I have a fairly full list, I draw arrows to signify some kind of ordering of ideas. I hate outlines. I hate the indents and the silly A.s and I.s. Who thinks that way, anyhow?

Only after I have a fairly full list, complete with arrows all over the place, will I begin to write. Once I do start writing, I usually have plenty to say. If only I could get it all out without censoring myself.

This is where I envy Lamott. When I write, I constantly stop, interrupting my momentum to read what I've written. It is as if I cannot move forward without looking backward. This makes for a very long, sometimes torturous writing process. I can spend over an hour on a single paragraph. But it somehow works for me. I don't mind that I will spend twice as much time planning and drafting a paper than my peers. Where I save time is revision. I still revise my writing, but usually I can do so in one sitting, looking at a hard copy (though more and more I feel comfortable reading and revising on a computer screen). And even then, I am usually pleased with my language and content. I most often find myself reordering ideas and building stronger transitions. That's my weakness in writing, organization. It probably has something to do with all those arrows, but I'm okay with that. I wouldn't want to write a perfect draft the first time around.